When you decide to become a surrogate, there are a lot of different conversations to have with your family, friends, co-workers, and kids! Becoming a surrogate is a large responsibility, and it’s important to educate people as to what it means to be a surrogate and how the process works. Talking to kids about surrogacy can seem a bit daunting, but luckily there are a lot of resources to help facilitate these conversations!
Talking to Kids About Surrogacy
We spoke with several different surrogates at RP and asked them the question: “how did you go about talking to kids about surrogacy/your surrogacy journey?”. We got some very colorful answers about everyone’s unique experience. Some surrogates used surrogacy books to introduce the conversation, while others used video resources or opened the conversation up for questions!
Where Do I Start?
The conversations went differently for all of our moms depending on the age of their children, the kid’s interest level, their level of understanding, and based on their own feelings about how much information their kids needed to have. There is no right or wrong way to go about talking to your kids about surrogacy. The conversation should feel natural for everyone involved!
What Did Our Surrogates Have to Say?
We asked a number of RP surrogates about their experiencing talking to kids about surrogacy and got great answers. Here are some of the answers we got:
“I just explained that I was growing a baby for another family who couldn’t. They were 3 & 5 at the time.” Heather, RP Surrogate
“The way I explained it is trying to keep it as simple as possible. I told my son that I’m carrying a baby for a family that is unable to have their own baby. I told him after the baby is born she will go home with them so they can be a family just like ours. He’s 10 so he did ask how baby was put inside me. I told him there was a part from baby’s mom and dad that was blended together to make the embryo and that was put inside my belly.” Evelia, RP Surrogate
“My children were around 5 and 6 when I started my first journey. I explained that I had to go to NYC to “get a baby in my belly.” I told them that the baby was not their brother but he was part of another family and I would help them grow him. My son couldn’t be happier that I wasn’t bringing home another baby. We introduced them to my IPs and they got to see the baby after he was born. Side note: my kids believe that you must travel to NYC to get a baby. I will have to correct that later ;)” Alex, RP Surrogate
“I told my 5 year old at the time N’s (intended mother) tummy is broken. Her and J (intended father) have what looks like little eggs (think finding Nemo) and they want a baby. They just need some help and mommy told them she would help. A doctor will put the “egg” in my tummy and the baby will grow in there until she is ready to be born. Then she will go to her mommy and daddy. She won’t be coming home with us and she won’t be your sister. IM later told my daughter that they are soul sisters and she loves that idea!” Jennifer, RP Surrogate
“My first journey for a family, my kids were 3 and 4 at the time. I had a picture of them and I would tell my kids the baby is for them, as I pointed to the picture. They understood as far as I could tell, they didn’t ask where the baby was after, since I kept telling them it wasn’t coming home with us and I said it was going to their house. My second journey they were 6&7 so they already knew what was going on and what to expect although that time they said they wanted it to come home. I just completed my third and final journey they are now 9&10 they still say they want a sibling but I’m good with just two. <3” Sara, RP Surrogate
Resources for Talking to Kids About Surrogacy
While the moms quoted above crushed their conversations and explanations with their kids, you may also want to review some resources before having the conversation with your kids about surrogacy! We’ve put together a list of resources that may be helpful when it comes time for this conversation.
- Read Books – We’d start with The Kangaroo Pouch! This book is an excellent resource for talking to your kids about surrogacy! It is one of the most highly rated surrogacy books available and does a great job of introducing the idea of surrogacy and explaining how and why people do it.
- Talk to Your Agency – One of the best resources you have available to you is your agency! At Reproductive Possibilities, our team is here to help you with what you might need during your surrogacy journey which includes tips and tricks for how to have the most successful journey! Your coordinator will likely have some ideas on how you can get this conversation going with your kids in the easiest way possible!
- Ask the #SurroSquad – When you become a surrogate at RP, you are encouraged to join our private Facebook group exclusively for surrogates. Joining this group gives you access to a group of incredible women who have completed a surrogacy journey or are currently embarking on one! This community is built to provide support and connections with women who know what you’re going through and can help you through the process. This is a great place to ask questions and get advice from women who have been through the process and have experience with what you’re going through. Lean on them, that’s what they’re there for!
Are You Ready to Become a Surrogate?
If you’re feeling excited about the opportunity to become a surrogate, we encourage you to learn more about the surrogate process, check out our compensation program, and learn a little bit more about us! If you’re ready to apply, you can do so today!